The Reward of Trust

Yesterday Five Minute Friday’s writing prompt was trust. I wrote about my struggle with trusting. During my devotions the Lord had exposed a characteristic in my life. I had seen the tip of it before and called it being critical. I am ashamed to say what I saw as I looked at what the Lord saw.

Sometimes we pray, ‘help me to see myself as  You see me.’ Be careful, the picture is not always beautiful.

I had honestly prayed.

 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:  And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalms 139:23-24

I really wanted to know if there was any ‘wicked way in me’. Wicked is a very strong word. I didn’t think there was any wickedness in me. I was wrong. That is why I was so shocked. What I saw and what God saw were so different.

So while I was very thankful for God’s mercy to me to show me this wicked way; I was overcome with sorrow and grief. I prayed. My heart wept. I struggled.  I wrestled with the Lord. I didn’t want it in my life. What could I do to change? It seemed so huge a mountain. Through the day as this type of thought would come, and come they did, it was such a way of thinking I had accepted. I grieved anew. What can I do? How do I change?  Can I even change or am I undone completely?

Yesterday I wrote about my struggle with trust. I struggled and wrestled but I didn’t let go. I had to believe that if God showed me this cancer in my heart somehow He had the operation, the chemo therapy, the radiation to cure it. The procedure may leave scars. It may hurt. It may last for months. I may lose my hair. Despite all that  I would be cured.

I continued to pray and seek God’s face. He continued to hold my hand.

I asked for the procedure, for whatever it takes. He said, “The thoughts  will come, because you’ve allowed them entrance. As they come, I’ll point them out to  you and you can cast them away and replace it with kindness  You’ll replace them with respect for the person, acknowledgement of difference, acceptance of differences, you’ll be humble and appreciative.

This is my tool:

2Corinthians 10:5  Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

Whenever I read this scripture, I think  ‘imaginations/high things’ those are thoughts that would separate or try to bring a wedge between me and God or His people. This was the way I would be able to conquer every thought.

With the tool came the encouragement in Proverbs 24:3-4 and 12-14

Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
My son (daughter), eat thou honey, because it is good; and the honeycomb, which is sweet to thy taste:  So shall the knowledge of wisdom be unto thy soul: when thou hast found it, then there shall be a reward, and thy expectation shall not be cut off.

Wisdom, understanding, and knowledge only come from God. My wisdom, etc. was so much lower than God’s. I couldn’t see what He could.

I can trust Him. God has forgiven me. I am not that way any more. Those thoughts don’t come from my heart anymore. It is a habit way of thinking, from now on I will be working by God’s grace to develop a new habit.   He will be leading “me in the way everlasting.”

He will let me hold His Hand every thought by thought.

I had another desire for restoration. My thoughts were standing in the way. As I am obedient to what the Lord is showing me, ‘my expectation’ shall be fulfilled.

I am gratefully trusting God.

Published in: on February 11, 2012 at 10:40 am  Leave a Comment  

Five Minute Friday — Trust

 

On Fridays we just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

 

I’m joining with Lisa at: http://thegypsymama.com/2012/02/five-minute-friday-trust/

Start:

TRUST   —   reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. 2. confident expectation of something; hope.

I prayed: Psalms 139:23-24 ” Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:  And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. ”

I trusted that all would be right.

I searched and made a list.

I trusted all would be improved.

I prayed.

I read His Word.

I am still trusting  —  being helped  —  receiving guidance.

I am encouraged that what is shown can be committed to His Care and still trust in His Help.

Then………..Exposure………..Shock

What is this?!     Is this what I am?

I look up the word.

I read the definition.

The Thesaurus is plain to describe me.

The antonyms are opposite and what I am not an antonym.

Now  — where is my trust?

My prayer has been answered.

God searched and found.

My trial is:

What do I do?

Where do I go?

How do I start?

I read and pr ay  —  Now ” lead me in the way everlasting. ”

“TRUST ” is whispered.

And I remind my undone self.

I have trusted.

I trusted.

I trust.

I am trusting.

I shall be trusting.

Stop.

As I read this over ‘ I ‘ is prominent. That surely is part of the problem, but the fruit of that I is so ugly and hurtful. I despair and in my despair I am struggling to continue to trust.

Published in: on February 10, 2012 at 11:23 am  Comments (3)  

Five Minute Friday — It’s Real!

Because it’s Friday!

Around here we write for five minutes flat on Fridays.

We write because we want to, not because we have to. We write for fun, for joy, for discovery.

Today’s prompt  —  Real

start with questions:

Is what I imagine about my life real?

Am I looking in the window at a play scene?

Do I think what is in my head is real life?

What is real?

What is make believe?

How can I tell the difference?

Which one do I really want to choose?

Is one better than the other?

Do I really want to know?

Foolish, Foolish questions.

I check my guidebook  —

and I find

Thomas had questions and doubts, too.

Our Christ gently told him  — touch what is real and believe……..

Christ tells me  —  believe in me and ye shall have real life…….
(paraphrasing mine )

No more questions.

John 3:15  That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

To read more Five Minute Fridays, click here.

Published in: on February 3, 2012 at 11:30 am  Comments (1)  

Five Minute Friday — Vivid Eyes

For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

Today’s Prompt  —  VIVID

Joining with http://thegypsymama.com/2012/01/five-minute-friday-vivid

start

As usual I read a few 5MF’s to see what others are writing about, a couple wrote about the vividness of the color of flowers and yes, I do appreciate that color.

My mind went another direction. I thought about the vividness of the memories of the first time I looked into my baby’s eyes.

#1  —  Baby girl   born 9 weeks early, tiny with deep blue eyes.

#2  —  Baby boy  born on his due day, looking like my brothers with blue          eyes.

#3  —  Baby girl born 15 days late, oh look, brown eyes like her father.

#4  —  Baby boy born 10 days late, again dark brown eyes.

#5  —  Baby girl born 10 days late, blue eyes shining and bright.

I can close my eyes and see their eyes waiting to. . .  LOOK !

stop

I don’t have pictures available of baby eyes, so I’ll share this one of eyes all grown up and still looking.

back row  #2, #4,#1    front row  #5, #3

Published in: on January 20, 2012 at 6:51 pm  Comments (2)  

Five Minute Friday — Awake

Each week has a Friday, many weeks I join Gypsy Mama and Five Minute Friday ‘for fun, for love of the sound of words, for play, for delight, for joy and celebration at the art of communication’.

This week’s writing prompt is AWAKE!

AWAKE!

UP, UP it’s a new year!

the old year is asleep

the year is over and done.

Up, up it’s a new year!

New lists

new visions

new resolution

not resolutions but resolution

a firm decision to begin anew

Not wallowing in regrets, self recriminations, accusations

But bowing, humbly, dying, praying

Getting courage, strength, hope

Reading:

Daniel 10:12,  Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words. . . .  And said, O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee, be strong, yea, be strong. And when he had spoken unto me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my lord speak; for thou hast strengthened me.

Believing ‘a certain man’ is just the same today.

UP, UP it’s a new year!

 

 

Published in: on January 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm  Comments (1)  

Five Minute Friday — Roar

Five Minute Friday  —  prompted by a word to write for five minutes with no expectations (except for spell check), I am still my mother’s daughter.

Join The Gypsy Mama, she will tell you want to do:   ROAR

http://thegypsymama.com/2012/01/five-minute-friday-roar/

go:

what is that I hear

a roar

of life

busy life

commitments of life

questions of life

disappointments of life

joys of life

pleasures of life

facts of life

all mixed together into one big jumble of ROAR

but I am seeking

but I am looking

but I feel wounded

the Roar isn’t the answer.

Now I am hearing

a great and strong wind rending the mountains

breaking in pieces the rocks

after the wind . . . . . an earthquake

after the earthquake  . . . . . a fire

I am still wanting for

[a sound of gentle stillness and] a still, small voice

arising rebuking the wind

and telling the sea

Peace, be still.

stop.

1Kings 19:11-12  And He(God told Elijah) said, Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord. And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake;  And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire [a sound of gentle stillness and] a still, small voice. Amplified Bible

Mark 4:39  And he(Jesus) arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.KJV

picture: roaring‑sea‑wedigo‑ferchland.jpg  fineartamerica.com

Published in: on January 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm  Comments (1)  

Five Minute Friday — Coloring

It’s Friday.

Let’s do it. Let’s just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

Coloring

Coloring inside the lines

Carefully

Outlining the shapes with chosen color

Color carefully
filling all the area
shading as evenly as possible

Don’t cross the lines.

A controlled activity the only choice is what color.

Shaped for me was predetermined for a long time

Coloring in the lines was

satisfying,
fulfilling,
even
full of joy for the accomplishment of filling the space perfectly.

but now the shape is confining, limiting, stifling,
the creation of another

Is now the time
to take a leap, to dare, to pick up a color that doesn’t match the shape–
and with abandon
cross the line
with bright happy coloring.

WAIT! Where are the lines?

linking you with The Gypsy Mama at

http://thegypsymama.com/2011/12/five-minute-friday-color/

 

Pictures from google:
crayons – todaysetiquette.blogspot.c0m
no lines – thetwomangame.com

Published in: on December 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm  Comments (1)  

Five Minute Friday — Remember

On Fridays around these parts we stop, drop, and write.

For fun, for love of the sound of words, for play, for delight, for joy and celebration at the art of communication.

For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

Today’s prompt  —  Remember

Go:

My first memories, I’m five years old

the first memories that are really mine, not told me or something explained from a picture.

These memories have my feelings, my pictures in my head.

these memories are real.

I don’t dwell on memories.

When I went through a period of sickness;

I learned to forget yesterday

just live today

and leave tomorrow with God.

that was my way of coping.

But when I do remember

I’ve learned that :

what I remember is my memory

and that for another person experiencing the same situation the memory may be completely different.

Stop.

To read more ‘Five Minute Friday’ posts go here:

http://thegypsymama.com/2011/11/five-minute-friday-remember

Published in: on November 5, 2011 at 12:03 am  Leave a Comment  

Five Minute Friday on Sunday — Relevant

On Fridays around these parts we stop, drop, and write.

For fun, for love of the sound of words, for play, for delight, for joy and celebration at the art of communication.

For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

RELEVANT

go . . .

And every priest standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices. . . Hebrews 10:11

daily ministering
daily offering
the same sacrifices

of time. . . of dreams. . . of selfishness

daily being relevant
daily being real
daily being in the right now

not missing anything
because everything is relevant

Relevant to the whole
relevant to my home
relevant to my family
relevant to my tomorrow

If I am not here today; I won’t be prepared for tomorrow!

So will I sing praise (give thanks). . ., that I may daily perform my vows.   Psalms 61:8

What I do is relevant,   it is necessary,  and it is blessed.

stop.

Pictures ,scriptures and indenting for emphasis added later,

now it is time to do those dishes!

linking with:

  http://thegypsymama.com/2011/10/five-minute-friday-relevant/

Published in: on October 30, 2011 at 2:44 pm  Comments (2)  

Five Minute Friday — Beyond

Somewhere over the rainbow

Beyond my fondest dreams

Above and beyond

What is beyond?

Do I get trapped by thinking beyond

beyond now

beyond today

until ———now is so hazy

that it is discounted,, short changed and overlooked?

Why?

When now is all I have;

there are no guarantees of beyond.

Planning is good,

being prepared brings peace

but living beyond isn’t real.

It’s a fairy tale

in which we create our own endings;

and when the real doesn’t match the imagined.

We are disappointed, unsatisfied and discontent with the real,

with the now

with what I actually have.

We have been  told and it is true:

This is the day which the LORD hath made;

we will rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalms 118:24

Gypsy Mama says “. . . just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.”  I had a real hard time with that today. Forgive my stumbling ideas and fingers.

Published in: on October 21, 2011 at 11:51 pm  Comments (5)  

Five Minute Friday — Ordinary

just writing and not worrying if it’s just right (or on time) or not?

link back here

Today’s prompt:

Ordinary

everyday,   common,   useful,   used

I like ordinary

I like normal,  (even if it is only a setting on the dryer)

even,  level,  dependable,  expected

but

I have seen the ordinary used in extra-ordinary ways

a small boy’s lunch

a touch of a hem

clay made of spittle

a grain of mustard seed

a word spoken     —————-peace, be still

fish and bread,   a robe,   clay,   seeds,   words

when blessed by the master ——miracles occur.

Stop

But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world
to confound the wise;
and God hath chosen the weak things of the world
to confound the things which are mighty;
1Corinthians 1:27

Published in: on October 7, 2011 at 11:41 am  Comments (4)  

Five Minute Friday – Growth

We write bold and beautiful and free. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just write or not.

Growth

Start

During these first days of fall, I walked through the garden and realized the garden was getting old and tired.

This garden has grown, and bloomed,

and produced day after day after day.

Now is the ceasing,

the garden is growing brown,

it is withering,

the produce is sparse and small.

During the first days of fall, I found new beginnings

new growth

new promises

new hope

and the farmer still on his knees.

Stop

Adding pictures now.

Published in: on September 23, 2011 at 10:54 am  Comments (3)  

Five Minute Friday — Rest

We write for five minutes flat on Fridays.

We write bold and beautiful and free. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just write or not.

Today’s prompt  —  Rest

 

Where is the rest?

You know, the part that is left

that part that somehow always seems missing

the illusive part

the shy part

the part where you must be quiet before it will come

busyness, loud noises, strife, contention, sharp words scare it away

but if you find a place that is still, even if it is only inside you

and you wait

and you listen

you will find rest for your soul.

Job 34:29  When he giveth quietness, who then can make trouble?. . .

A portion of  Grandma Crain’s garden.

This wasn’t what I was thinking of when I started, but how many times when I just open up, my Father is there to again bring rest and assurance that He has all things under control.

 

Published in: on September 3, 2011 at 12:42 am  Comments (2)  

Five Minute Friday — New

So we gather here every Friday to compare our five minute masterpieces, in all their messy beauty. We just write, without worrying if it’s just right or not.

NEW

Almost every time I hear the word NEW, I think of this scripture:

This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:21-23

A fresh new day

A fresh new canvas

A fresh new heart

A new leaning on that faithfulness and not my own strength

A new showing compassion

A new smiling

I often find that hard to do, smile, to let my face show that my heart feels peace, contentment, and joy

in this new time of my life, empty nest, retired Farmer, reduced circumstances..

Because I remember “They are new every morning” I receive His Grace and Comfort in my NEW.

( Scripture and picture not included in 5 minutes, I’m way to slow to fit typing and additions in the time limit)

Published in: on August 19, 2011 at 6:41 pm  Comments (4)  

Five Minute Friday — Beauty

August 12, 2011

BEAUTY

We agreed to write it down – write down the only definition of beauty that matters:

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14.

Write for Five Minutes then link here:

http://thegypsymama.com/2011/08/five-minute-friday-beauty/

I’ve never thought of myself as beautiful. I never heard myself described as beautiful. I’ve heard ‘pretty’. In my twenties, I heard my mother say “I’ve always thought you had pretty legs’, but I don’t remember any words before that from her. As I have aged, I’m almost 62, next week, and overweight, I know that I don’t appear beautiful in my eyes at all.

I do know one day He said   “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ” Mat 11:28 KJV  He didn’t care about the outward woman, and He died to change the inward woman into a new woman. He gave beauty for ashes and put hope in the heart.

I know inside this house of flesh is a heart whose main desire is to encourage others to keep on trusting Jesus, to take one step at a time even though it is dark, to hold on to the Hand that is . . .

Isa 61:1  THE SPIRIT of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed and qualified me to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and afflicted; He has sent me to bind up and heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the [physical and spiritual] captives and the opening of the prison and of the eyes to those who are bound, (3) To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion–to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit–that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God], the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.  Amplified Bible

Scriptures were added after the ding.

I need to make something very clear. My Mother is not a mean person. She is perfect.  In the era I was raised, you didn’t tell your children they were pretty or they did a good job. You didn’t want them to get a big head or be spoiled. We were all raised the same.  I’ll never forget the day Mom called and said guess what I just heard on the radio…’It is okay to tell your children they have done a job well!’ It was if she were liberated, as if this is what she wanted to do all the time but didn’t have permission to do! She immediately started telling the grand children that they were’ good workers’,’ thank you for doing such a good job’. She told her children also, ‘your house looks really nice’, ‘I like that shirt on you.’

My Mom is beautiful!

Published in: on August 12, 2011 at 5:10 pm  Comments (3)  
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